In our culture (Bali), sometimes it is OK to ask private question with none-of-your-business meaning to people you don’t really know. Such as: are you married? Why are you not married? How many children you have got? How much is your salary? Do you buy the car using your own money or inheritance? I can tolerate those questions. But last night question was just too much for me.
There was a religious ceremony held at one of my husband’s family temple (not so close. This family is my husband’s father’s cousin. Yes. That’s complicated family tree still exist in Bali) and we just finished praying and waited for the dinner ready. We were four (all women), someone was asking about my husband’s condition and the treatment and I was explaining how it works so far. Out of nowhere, a woman came in and interrupted our conversation. She broke this question to me.
Are you still having sex with your husband?
I was upset. Terribly upset. We were having none of sex topic, let alone my sex life topic and out of nowhere she came in, interrupted our conversation by asking me that question. She’s a widow of my husband’s second cousin and in her 50-s. I am not really close to this woman and rarely talk to her. Clearly, age number doesn’t give her wisdom nor knowledge of social life ethic.
The first idea came to my head when I heard that, I wanted to slap her face with the plate I had already in my hand. But, it will make me looked as primitive as her. So…
I replied it slowly and clearly as crystal: My sex life is none of your business. You have no rights to ask that question.
She looked stunned, got embarrassed and tried to fix the situation.
Stupid woman: In my hometown someone with cancer prostate can’t make it…
Me: I am not interested in someone else’s sex life. It is none of my business. Don’t bother yourself talking to me about that.
Stupid woman: I’m sorry. I was just trying to make a joke.
Me: So, you just want to make fun of my husband’s cancer? I can say, we have a very different sense of humour.
She could not reply, an awkward situation covered us. Nobody spoke, they were taken aback with my reaction. Probably, my straight respond surprised them, especially the middle aged woman. But, I don’t care. When people don’t care about my feeling, why should I? If I lose relations or connections with uncivilised people like her. I am. Absolutely. OK. With. That.
I don’t ask people to feel sorry about my husband’s condition. Or mine. But, I really hope, next time people with a big mouth and pig-alike-intelligent-quality will keep their stupidity for themselves. Really. It will make my life much, much easier.